yup Yup YUP!
but I feel anything short of strait fwd at this point is likely only to be agonizing, and I understand. And I am sorry.
I am going to see you again, I am not going to make you wait another forever for me.
I am discussing with my parents the when and how. They are not in charge, I am waiting for them to tell me when and how things are going to be. I am discussing it with them, but I am making the final decisions. [On my end anyway] I do want their input and involvement, mostly I just want them to be aware of what will be happening, so that nothing will be sneaky or secretive about seeing you again.
I love you
I am sorry for the crazy stressful distraction I am reintroducing back into your life.. and so suddenly. I respect that we have both lived and grown separate from each other for 3 long years. You have a full and from I understand highly stressful life. I completely respect if you need more time. I only informed you as I did before because I thought the amazing man who waited three years for some crazy girl deserves to know it’s finally going to happen.
I completely respect that you have a full and very busy life, and may need more time. When I do contact you I want you to know you can have as much time as you need.
You waited, and will always be worth the wait in my eyes.
I am sorry if even what I’m writing here only adds to your stresses and concerns. I just want you to be happy. I love you. I am making this happen. I am sorry for how this has been for you. I am sorry for how I can make things difficult, and worse. I love you.
I love you.
please have an amazing day my love. I love you
I try never to assume.. but I still don’t know how to not over think.. and while I try not to let my over thinking every possible aspect turn into assumptions..I have found that they can.
And all the over thinking, and stressing all the variables and outcomes, I would always think of the worst case scenarios, to prepare myself for anything. [even the horribly unrealistic horribles] Never considering not going through w/it, or giving up, just trying to be ready for anything. So that nothing would surprise me or throw me off.
And through all this mental overworked preparation I was still unprepared..
I had prepared for the worst for so long..
and even though I had thought I had grown from and past all the guilt.. I think I had always been preparing for the worst, cuz deep down that’s what I felt I deserved.
When I finally did I was so completely unprepared for the good. Where I had anticipated distrust I found more trust than I thought I had ever earned. Where I had suspected a lack of respect or acknowledgement of how I have changed… I found tremendous respect and pride. Where I had prepared myself for the worst, I received better than I had originally hoped for.
I am so happy.. I can feel my insides going crazy!..but it still hasn’t really come out yet.. my total and utter joy has hardly appeared on my face. For saddest/silliest reasons there could possibly be: DOES NOT COMPUTE.
Honestly I am so happy, so excited, but still in total disbelief.. I think I have dreamed of this for so long, I am scared if I let myself enjoy it—
I’ll wake up.
[Ok I can’t resist I have to quote the old’n’cheesy Roger’s & Hammerstein’s Cinderella song: ‘Do I Love You Because You’re Beautiful’]:
"If it is a dream, I wish never to awaken."
Ok Ok got my cheese outah my system [for now].
I Love You.
I know this is not going to be easy. There is still much to work out [maybe more than I’ve considered, maybe less. I refuse to let myself stress it], but whtvr the case I am ready for it.
I am ready for anything, I know I am, because someone special told me I could do anything, and he is a hard man to argue. Especially when he looks at you, and Makes you believe it.. ready or not.
I Love you. I love You. I Love You. I Love You. I love you. I LOVE YOU! i love youuu!